sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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