What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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