I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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