it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
