Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
