I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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