If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Randomize
