I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
