can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
