my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
