I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I need to align my fucking chakras
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
