i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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