My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
