You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
