There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
