God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
