so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
