Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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