that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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