Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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