I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
