i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
50% drunk capacity currently
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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