I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
