I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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