3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
