I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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