My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
