k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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