Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
