Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
