Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
