i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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