So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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