Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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