No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Randomize
