Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
