Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
