cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
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