Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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