I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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