I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize