Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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