check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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