a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
