found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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