You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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