I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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