there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
