i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
