Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
