bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize