Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize