Your mouth is God's brothel.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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