you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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