CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
