Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
