I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
