last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
