And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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