Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
