girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
