nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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