I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
