Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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