And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
